i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
