she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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