Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
