maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
