one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
