For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They took my balls.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
