I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
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we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize