he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
