Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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