My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
