I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
