Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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