We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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