I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
