just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
