Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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