I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
