we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
