now i know why i became what i already was.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
