David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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