i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
