i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
