Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
