doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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