In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
