I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
