he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
