you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
