haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
