your thong is hanging out like whoa
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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