first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
