Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
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Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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