i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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