you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
