Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
