We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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