youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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