You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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