I puked a lego.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
