He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
