Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Houston, we have a blender
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
