I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
