dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
