she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
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Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
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I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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