If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
