so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
