Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We need a shit load of segways right now
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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