does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
