STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
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I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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