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you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
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