I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
this beer tastes like vomit already
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Too much gin, very little bucket
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
