At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
