Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
