I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
