no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
