Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
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This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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