Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
