I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
