There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
