and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
