Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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