I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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