Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
