Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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