oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
