At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
