What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
