Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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