Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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