the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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