Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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