Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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