i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
