i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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