he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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